ArtisticallyChill

I’m sitting here, supposedly working, but I just can concentrate right now. It feels odd getting back to work after all that has happened in June, especially looking back at that last week. My aunt’s passing has left another hole in my heart and spirit. Yesterday night was the last of the Novena prayers and naturally Serena and I attended. But I didn’t go there to say any prayers of any sort. I was more there to show my support for my family, to let my cousins, Ellen, Eliza and Eleanor, know that we’re there for them. If ever a different voice they need to hear or a different ear that needs to listen is needed, we are there. Other than supporting my family, we were there to let our cousins know of Serena’s success at Wizard World. Not to brag, or to boast, but to keep the family in the loop as they were well aware how this past month, and past weekend, has been busy for Serena.

We had dinner before the prayer service. Most of the food was homemade and the smells would bring memories of all the family get togethers we had in the past. The house in itself was chock full of memories brought up in conversation: the parties, the Sunday gatherings, the visits by me and my brothers since we used to live 2 blocks north and on the same street, ‘grumpa’ and ‘grumma’ working in the garden in the backyard. Now my cousins live there with their dad. I can’t imagine living there with one less loved one to greet you when you walk in the door, have dinner with, or just have a heart to heart talk with.

It all just feels unreal. It’s hasn’t even been a year since Francis left. Maybe it’s because of the arrangements: same funeral home, same church, same cemetery, and again I was a paul bearer. But I stopped asking the questions of a spiritual nature when Francis passed. I feel less stressed out and that’s a good thing for me. Serena has been through a lot with the loss of her father at a young age that she doesn’t need me to be crying and screaming to the high heavens when we both know in our hearts it isn’t gonna help at all. Call me jaded, cynical or even desensitized. Go ahead judge my views in a negative way, I’m just being a realist. And I think the world would be a better place with more people like me instead of more people following some man made belief. But don’t misunderstand me either, I am still spiritual but in my own special way.

~ Jeff

p.s. This is NOT by any means an invitation to hold an intervention on my behalf or for you to impose your beliefs on me. I don’t need to be saved, I just need to be me. Respect is a two-way street.