ArtisticallyChill

So yesterday, when I read that the workprint copy of X-Men Origins: Wolverine had been leaked onto The Internets, I was just as curious, as everyone else online, to see just how bad the movie was gonna be. Granted it was a workprint, I read that it was missing the additional shot footage (an extra 14 minutes) in order to supposedly make it a better movie, as well as, some CGI and Visual FX weren’t finished. But that certainly didn’t stop me or everyone else online from screening it. And about 106 minutes later, all my previous opinions that I have been making since they announced the cast were justified. X-Men Origins: Wolverine is really bad. IS BY FAR ONE OF THE WORST MARVEL MOVIES EVER TO GRACE THE SILVER SCREEN! This movie sucked so bad it made X3 better. This movie is even worse than Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Hell! I’d even watch Spiderman 3 instead of this piece of $#!t, and I REALLY HATE Spiderman 3!

What went wrong:

• The Cast: Liev Schreiber didn’t sell me on Sabretooth. Gambit was poorly portrayed – more pretty boy douchebag than scruffy cajun thief. Though limited in screentime, Dominic Monaghan’s character of Beak wasn’t true to the comics either. I didn’t even know that was supposed to be Beak. I could’ve sworn they called him something else (Gremlin?) in the movie. Oh and Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool!? Just because he ruined Blade with his character’s stupid banter doesn’t mean he would make a great Deadpool. Reynolds doesn’t even make a good Deadpool.
• The first 10 minutes: They should have left this out, including the flash-forwards through the different wars that followed. The opening did no justice to Wolverine: Origin. And the following war sequences showing the odd bond between Sabretooth and Wolverine made absolutely no sense.
• The Script: David Benioff – Thank you for tarnishing one of my favorite Marvel Characters. The script would have done fine back in the 80s. But in this century, it is god-fawking awful! Did you even read any of the comic books?
• DEADPOOL: They completely RUINED this character. First – Ryan Reynolds. Second – the Merc had ‘the Mouth’ but having stupid things to say doesn’t make you Deadpool. The banter has to be funny. Everyone of Deadpool’s lines made me wanna vomit. Third – Deadpool is seriously messed up in appearance and in the head. He wears a mask. And if David Benioff had read a Deadpool comic he would have seen how being jacked up (both physically and mentally), wearing a mask, and saying banter that’s actually funny makes Deadpool a truly unique and memorable character in the comics. The Deadpool in the movie is one that I wish I had never seen. Especially later on, after he gets turned into Baraka from Mortal Kombat that also has Cyclops’ optic blasts and Wraith’s teleportation. At that point in the movie, I face-palmed, jaw dropped in utter disgust.
• Adamantium Bullets to induce memory loss. Think about it. I’ll wait.
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  Yeah it makes absolutely no fooking sense to me either! How does an adamantium bulllet shot at Wolverine’s skull cause memory loss when a regular bullet doesn’t?
• The ending: It just doesn’t work at all. And to think that there could ever be a sequel after the atrocities seen in this film is well beyond me!

How could they fix it:

• Cut the opening and the flash-forward war scenes. Cut the scene of Beak at a carnival ripping people off. Cut the Sabretooth hunt for Scott Summers scene. The movie should run the standard length of 86 minutes for a 2nd rate action flick.
• Sabretooth is a maniacal sociopath. Show me that, not some school bully.
• Amp up the fights involving Wolverine. I wanna see deep cuts, limbs coming off, the occasional decapitation, blood-gushing, lots of blood (see Kill Bill Vol. 1 and 2). This is Wolverine not Hello Kitty.
• Un-fook Deadpool. See the above to learn how.
• No adamantium bullets, please. Thanks.

Like I said earlier, I’m not the only one who thinks this movie could be so much better. I’m sure others have posted what they think needs to be done to fix this movie to prevent it from tanking at the box office. Will the studio even consider any more re-shoots? Probably not this late in post production.

What I think should have been done since the movie was announced:

• They should have gotten a better writer/script. I would have loved to see a screenplay nicely adapting Wolverine: Origin and the Weapon X storyline.

If you must waste some money, as well as, torture yourself, by all means go and see the movie when it comes out next month. Even if you’ve never read the comic, the movie just seems like an over-rated action flick that should have went straight to DVD, kinda like Steven Segal’s movies. This movie could easily have been one of those Sci-Fi channel original movies like Python vs. Boa. If you really want to see Wolverine’s origin, read the graphic novels mentioned above.

Wolverine is ‘the best there is at what he does’. And what he does ‘isn’t very nice’. X-Men Origins: Wolverine is proof of that.

X-men Origins: Wolverine is an EPIC FAIL.

~ LoneWolf